I'm not ready yet

For 14 1/2 years I have had the privilege of having a little one at home, for most of those years at least 2 home and for a couple of years even 3. With school starting on August 5th, my most important job to date, shifted. No longer do I have a little sidekick by my side. Adrianna started kindergarten. Anna has been "attending" my preschool since before she was one.  Unlike all of he classmates she never went away to school, she has been home schooled with a lot of friends. She was not really looking forward to kindergarten but the family has been trying to talk up all the fun things that she will learn. So a week before school she started to express some excitement. The night before the first day Benjamin asked me how I thought I would do, I said I would kiss her good by and say see ya with a peace sign.  we hung out in the kindergarten playground until they told us to go into the gym to meet the teachers and separate into classes. I found her teacher introduced her and lead her to where her class was sitting. I introduced her to a little girl sitting down and gave her a hug and told her she would love it. She looked up at me not crying but clearly afraid and said, "mom, I'm not ready yet."  I hugged her and said sure you are Anna, you got this you will do great! The tears were filling my eyes. Was I ready, ready to say goodbye to this wonderful, terribly hard  and trying at times phase in my life? I got in my car alone. drove home alone. to a house all alone. I called Benjamin and told him, "so much for my peace out goodbye." He lovingly reminded me that in an hour my house would be full of little ones eager to start their preschool day.  I wept again and vowed to love those little people like I was their mother, I wanted to greet them like I wanted my daughter to be greeted. Thank goodness I teach preschool! I was not prepared with how hard this transition would be for me. "I'm not ready yet" But ready or not here we go. This is a phase in life that carries so much joy and physical stress, and I know I will look back with rose colored glasses and hope my children will too :)