Going Radical Fourth month!

We started this year and named it "the year of going radical" this was the year we were going to reign in our finances and clean up our bad investment debt and student loan debt (thanks Dave Ramsey). April was the month I wanted our student loans to be paid off. We crunched the numbers and this was a far fetched, but if going truly radical, a goal we could achieve. As unexpected things would come up I would worry/complain about not reaching our goal month. I literally would visualize me in a dark tunnel and running to the small light in the distance the closer I would get to the light the harder I would run, leaving the tunnel meant I was debt free. I could smell the fresh air, see the blue skies and look at the beautiful flowers outside the tunnel, I would be free!! Free to spend our hard earned money, free to focus on other financial pursuits.

Well we paid it off, early in the month to boot! I have a our third "You are paid in full" notice hanging on the wall in our bedroom. I wept when Benjamin sent me the email notice that said our balance was zero. I played my motivational song, the song I think about as I leave my tunnel.

This euphoria lasted about 24 hours. I felt on top of the world, like we had run our race and that it was awesome! Sadly after my 24 hour high was up I came out of my tunnel only to see that in order to get to the top of the mountain I had to enter another tunnel! This tunnel (the 2nd mortgage that had the brunt of all the failed homestead plans) was huge, almost 4 X what we had just paid off. I felt so discouraged! How could we sustain this kind of momentum? When looking at the money we had already used I couldn't help but look around and see all the things I would rather spend that money on. My duct tape couch, named that because it has been "repaired" with duct tape. My dinning table that is on stilts because the thrift store chairs we bought for it were too tall, my kids mattresses that are on the floor because I have not gotten them a proper bed frame... all of these "wants" just kept creeping in to my happy accomplishment. Had we done the right thing? Should we have used our money in other more tangible ways? Or should we have put the  money towards the larger mountain? My mother has always said that self doubt is one of Satan's largest tools. I think ingratitude is another one. How could we accomplish so much and I feel so unsatisfied? I was talking to Benjamin about it this morning of why I wasn't more happy with accomplishing this goal,  he quoted to me a line from The Family: A Proclamation "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ." (https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation) It doesn't say happiness is most likely to be achieved when paying off debt, or running a wonderful race, it comes when our priorities are in line with what Heavenly Fathers. He wants us to become a follower of his son Jesus Christ, where charity and love trump all goals.

When my twin and I ran our first and only marathon there was a part in the race in the very beginning where we ran through a tunnel, it felt really long because it was dark and all uphill. When we came out of that tunnel there was 24 miles of race still to run! Mostly hills, beautiful desert landscape and nothing but runners solitude to sustain you. Thinking on this financial race that we have signed up for I need to remember the path is long, the path is difficult, but it is my job to not focus on the end so much, but try to enjoy being out of the tunnel, breathing and seeing the the charity and love that others offer as well as what I can offer along the way. 

Lessons learned in April: 

1."Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ."