Parkin turns 6! And Mothers day epiphany.

Parkin tuned 6! He is such a LOVE. That is the word we use to describe this boy who is so easy going and easy to love. He hugs and kisses freely and forgives freely. He laughs often and gives full belly laughs. He always comes to the defense of who ever is down or feels picked on, he jumps right in and demands that we treat that family member better. It is in his nature to love and protect.

For his birthday we took him and his 3 cousins (Daniel, Collin and Desmond ) with us to the Wheeler Carnival. Everybody got a couple of tickets and we played games and had snow cones and cotton candy. Then we came back to the house and had a pizza and sleepover party. Parkin loved it! He was with his best friends and they all got various prizes. It was the easiest birthday party ever! He opened presents on the front lawn and we played outside till it got dark. Parkin was born on the national day of prayer and I have been praying a prayer of thanks to my Heavenly Father everyday since that I get to be his Mom, I love you son!

I had a mothers day epiphany. I was asked to be a speaker in our sacrament meeting at church. I was quite nervous, my topic was "what it means to be a mother this day and age." All week I had thought about it, but I was never really able to formally map out what I wanted to talk about.

Sometime during the weekend my stomach started to go south, I new my digestive track was having a problem and sure enough Sunday morning came and I was doubled over in pain. No mothers day breakfast for me. I was already telling my husband that he might want to start thinking about who could replace me as a last minute speaker. Finally the pain grew and I knew it either had to stop or I needed to find a replacement. I prayed on my knees telling Heavenly Father I was ok with the pain but if he wanted me to speak he needed to take the pain from me so I could focus on the talk and deliver the speech. Immediately after my prayer I felt better. I got dressed and I finally knew what I was going to talk about.

I have a dear friend, Alexandra that without fail always sends me a Mothers day card. Every year for 12 years. We have been friends since 2nd grade, 28 years of friendship. Sunday morning I was struck by how truly thoughtful that is. She is not a mother, I am certain that when she becomes a mother she will be fantastic. She truly honors motherhood and the mothers in her life. And then it hit me. Mothers day is NOT about me. It is about honoring the mothers in my life.

There is a quote from a short video about mothers and it says " Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mother." I was struck by all the "manuals" in my life. My own mother/ manual is fun and supportive and faithful. My friend Alex has been a manual of friendship, loyalty and  thoughtfulness. Mothers day is about honoring these women who have played a part in helping me on my journey. It isn't about whether I woke up to a clean house or breakfast in bed, it is about how my actions can help honor the manuals in my life. All the good holidays are about love, not yourself. The best Christmas's are the ones where I focus on the Savior and helping others, not when I worry about me. If mothers day was just about the individual and their own mothering then it could be very sad, sad for the mother who morns the loss of a wayward child, or the loss of a child, or your own inadequacies as a mother.  When the meaning of mothers day is bout others it makes the day more joyful.

Every year our congregation passes out a gift to the women in the congregation as a mothers day gift. I remember that being awkward when I didn't have children, thinking I am not a mom I shouldn't take one. But there are two reasons that women should take them regardless if they have birthed a child. 1) your own mother would love for you to have one 2) You are a manual for others!

My mothers day was complete when I got to honor 5 woman and their kiddos, as well as my own mother and father, for a mothers day dinner largely made by my awesome husband. Their husbands are fighting in the war and I truly felt privileged to have them over for such a meaningful day. The night was made better when my husband handed the ladies letters that their husbands had wrote to them.

President Hinckley a prophet who lived in our day said,  “Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good."


Eve was not a mother yet! She was a woman and by her very nature she was honored as being "good." So to all my friends and fellow manuals, I want to tell you, thank you! You inspire and uplift me and you are more than good enough. You are better than you think.

http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?cid=%20HP000061&lang=eng#to-every-mother

Why? And the answer came

After years of wondering why? My wonderful twin provided clarity in poetry. Truly an angel here on earth she provided an answer I can live with.

Livin On The Land

By Lindsey Joy Smith

Livin on the land, sure was grand

Cactus and wide open skies

Our dusty dirt road led to hopes of our home,

Easily pictured in our minds eyes

Makin peace with the critters and playing with cousins

Meal time was never a bore

But with no runnin water, the days felt much hotter

Till water was lugged from the store

Outside in the dessert it grew easy to see

How a want compared to a need

Our previous t.v filled, microwave lives

Looked luxurious, with a tad bit of greed

The Path to Enlightenment brought time for reflection

The Trail of Tears gave time to pray

When plannin our future and life on the land

“Forever” -  How long we would stay

But Bank desperados, masked bandits with pistols

Shot holes through our hopes and our dream

Returning to stop lights, cable and comfort

We pulled into town out of steam.

What of tortoise and sage brush and prickly pear cacti?

What of ward and new friends made as well?

What of acres of plans and acres of land

And dreams quietly shot straight to h***?

If life on the land taught us nothin at all,

Then surely it was all for naught.

But this lesson now learned, our heads won’t turn

For out on the land we were taught:

A want and a need aint always the same,

Of this we now know for sure

The time that was spent in good ole Mescal

Was no end stop, just a detour

Though our hearts might still want the wide open air

and the dessert smell after a rain

They really belong to the Cowboy Above

Who needs us at Bellatrix Lane

Bella turns 12!

My little girl turned 12, and is now in the young woman program at church (for young women ages 12-18). Where did the time go?! She has been a joy to raise, with a strong head on her shoulders. Recently she was at her friends birthday party when they put on a PG-13 movie, she called me so I could come get her, she didn't want to watch it. Later my husband and I saw the trailer for the movie and I was shocked that the mother thought this was appropriate for young pre-teens. Glad she is confident enough to get out of the situation and not suffer through it. She has been a great example to her brothers and sisters and also to me. She is funny, laughs freely and doesn't take herself too seriously.  She looks out for people who are getting made fun of and will put her neck on the line to stop it. She is courageous. She is well liked because she likes  everyone. She is genuine.
For her birthday party she chose to have a temple trip with her cousin Lilly and both sets of grandparents.  We were able to go on her actual birthday. It was special that her Dad, serving as our Bishop for church, got to interview her. Afterward we all went out for cheeseburgers, Bella's favorite meal. She has never met a cheeseburger she didn't like :)
She has turned into a beautiful young woman and I count myself blessed to have such a terrific daughter. I love you Isabella Jules. I know the teenage years are going to be great with you, seriously lots of fun!

Olivia is Ten!

Olivia is the best way to chase the after Christmas blues! She is the perfect kid to have after Christmas, she is not demanding  and she is an excellent gift receiver  She invited her girl cousins who live here to the movies and to a slumber party. We saw Hotel Tranylvania, afterward she said that was the best movie. They played games and watched TV. She loved it. Two days later Benjamin took her to buy a bike, two days. She didn't care that it was late she was so grateful to get one. I love that Olivia like to watch movies for her birthday it is the perfect way to relax after the sometimes stressful holiday season.

Love this girl! She is very smart and always impresses me with her vocabulary. She is beautiful, I love her little nose and perfect eyebrows. She is unpredictable, I can never guess what she will say, so consequently she is very fun to be around. She is motivating. when she is down she does not stay their long, she motivates herself and me to try to do/be better. Just last night something made her sad so she left the family room to go to her room. I went to check on her and she wasn't sulking she was making a 2013 resolution list. She inspires me. One of her best qualities is she forgives freely, she doesn't hold grudges she lets it go and moves on. A great quality in a friend and family member. I love you Olivia Jane you have been a joy from the start. You provide spice to the family and are a great help to me personally. Your momma Jane loves you more than words.

Holman 8 is great!

Holman turned 8. In our church that is when we feel children are accountable for knowing the difference between  right and wrong choices. Before 8 they are learning the difference and finding out the consequences of their choices, making mistakes as they go, not sins. But before 8 they are not sinning, they are learning. Benjamin was doing one of his daddy chats with Holman when he asked him who he would like to baptize him, Holman thought about it and asked who was eligible to preform that ordinance. Benjamin listed all the priesthood family members available and he thought about it and wanted his Uncle Danny. He asked Danny and Holman was very glad that he accepted. There were eight kids who got baptized the same day as Holman, lucky for Holman the Stake Baptism fell on his birthday December 1. Even more lucky his Katie Lady, Clark cousin and one of his favorite friends Lyndsay Mendell were apart of that baptism group. The Clark and Mendell and Howe kids all sang a musical number and I was asked to give a talk. I teach this age group at church so I was thrilled. The baptism's and blessings were all beautiful and we all had a giant family/friend dinner afterword. It was a great day. Benjamin performed the ordinance of Holman to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and he said he was really struck by the glimpse of what a fine man Holman would grow into. It was a beautiful day made better by the family and friends celebrating the same event in their families.

Holman I love you. You are such a good boy. You are helpful and HARDWORKING, and obedient  And you are crazy funny, you make us all roll with laughter with your witty remarks. I love holding your hands, they are little boy hands that I know will grow into man hands. You are an excellent big brother who looks out for your brother and sister. You have two older sisters who think you are handsome and fun. You are athletic, an excellent swimmer, I love to watch you win, I mean swim. I am so glad that I get to be your mom on this journey. I love you so very much.

Adrianna Joycee turns 3

My little Angel turned three on November 27, she is such a little joy. She loves all things pink, but when you ask her what her favorite color is she will say "I like all colors." She is very smart and has a great memory

This was a conversation we had at dinner with Adrianna just before her 3rd birthday.year old: "Anna what did you learn about at nursery today?" Anna: "We learned about animals." Dad: "Who made all the animals?" Anna: "Jesus did. I like palaeobatrachus" Dad: "Whats that? Anna: "An amphibian, a frog." We all stared blankly at Anna as Bella went to Google it, sure enough it is true. My daughter is a genius! Later she called in the kids to come look at her "conifer." She has a lit up Christmas tree in her room, which is a "cone bearing evergreen tree." Dinosaur train is really providing a top notch education. She loves all things dinosaur, dolls and princess. She is  her own lady she will love when she wants to love and get you to do things for her when she wants you to DO THINGS FOR HER! She is very independent, but thankfully loves to snuggles with her mommy and doggy. She loves her brothers and sisters severely, but in her way. She loves her "frankinblankie" her blanket has been patched up more times than any one blanket should. She is a little mother to all things smaller than her, she doesn't want to boss them but to truly love on them and be their nurse.

Adrianna your mommy loves you so much  and is so grateful to have your lively spirit in our home. You are smart, beautiful and fun. You maybe the youngest in our family but you act like your brothers and sisters are your same age only taller. You are so excited to become a sun beam and leave the nursery behind, we are excited with you and look forward to seeing you learn and grow even more. Much love my pretty little Adrianna, you complete us.

J and J

In our church we believe in personal revelation, that when you have a problem you can pray to your loving Heavenly Father and  He will answer your prayers. We also believe that the Prophet Joseph Smith was a young man who wanted to know what the course of his life should be, through prayer and personal revelation the restoration of Christ's church  was brought back to the earth. That through this process the Priesthood was returned to the earth. Each member of our church is entitled to receive a Patriarchal blessing by a priesthood leader who also can give us personal revelation through an inspired blessing meant just for us.

I was 19 when I received this special blessing of direction. A huge concern of mine was making sure my future children would be good people who could feel God's love for them in their life. In my blessing it advised me to pattern my parenting after my own parents. I thought that was great advice because I think they both  are amazing parents, as I have looked back on their parenting I have noticed many things that they "did right". These are 3 things that I want to emulate in my own parenting.

1) They were present. Every cross country race, basketball game (even when I sat the bench), drama play, choir performance, track race, you name it they were there. At least one parent was always present. Lindsey did soccer when I was on the basketball team and our games were on the same night they would rotate attending. My mom worked outside the home ever since I was little, but she was at the crossroads of our activities  Dad of course worked but always managed to get off work in time to hear the race gun for our meets. It was a sacrifice and I am sure not always convenient, but we knew we were their top priority.

2) They were active in the church. We always made it church, I honestly can't remember a time we didn't attend church on Sunday. I am sure we were occasionally sick but I cant remember.  Mom and Dad always had some sort of responsibility at church and they  went above and beyond to fulfill them. I think that their activity was the reason why in high school when we would have a sporting event in the afternoon and we would get done with them just before our youth group would meet that night, it was never a question if we would ditch, we wanted to go.

3) They allowed open communication with problems without judging. An example of this is when Lindsey and I were invited to spend the night at a friends house, when we got there we did not feel good the Dad was odd and the thought of staying was not appealing. So I turned to my friend and said hey its 8 pm my mom wanted me to call her. This is how the conversation went.

Me: Hi mom, you wanted me to call you?
Mom: What, whats going on? is everything ok?
Me: What? Why do you want us to go home? We just got here?
Mom: Honey you want to come home?
Me: Yes mom, I get it.
Mom: I am coming right now.
Me: Fine, we didn't know about that chore!We will be ready, this really sucks.

She picked us up and we were so relieved. She would tell us, I have no problem being the bad guy. She was great. I remember one time in high school I was "depressed" about something Dad took me for a ride to talk about things cause he noticed I was down, he cared enough to notice and act.

All parents worry if they did enough, I try to look back at all the great things my parents did and let go of things I wish they had done better. And as a parent now when I make mistakes I think wow this is probably how my parents felt too. When we show others mercy we receive mercy, maybe my kids will remember the positive things too :)